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Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life.
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6th-Jul-2007 11:06 am - It's time to grow up
Now I've made a point of not dedicating too much of my time to bitching about other people but lately I've really been thinking about the state of my generation. Now this stereotyping I'm about to do may be limited to my geographical location as the Midwest is notorious for certain kinds of behavior. That being said, don't assume anything I'm about to say is automatically applied to you, the reader.

Okay for all those people who have graduated from college and are now living on your own, there are three traits you absolutely must have at this point in your life. They are: independence, self-discipline, and responsibility.

If you have the means to live on your own, that should translate to financial independence as well. I have more debt than anyone I know and I still don't ask other people for money or to buy me things. I guess because I didn't have a lot growing up and my parents didn't spoil me I've learned the value of a dollar more so than others. Consequently it often drives me nuts how much some people my age have no concept of financial responsibility.

The other thing I don't get about young people is how much they rely on their parents to do everything for them. It's one thing to go to them for help from time to time, I mean that's what they are there for. But if you can't do simple things yourself then that's a serious problem. Your twenties are an opportunity to learn certain key life skills which will enable you to grow into a responsible adult so that you may be capable of taking care of other people down the line.

As for self-discipline, well I think that pretty much just applies to all those lazy people out there. Speaking as someone who used to be the laziest person on the planet, I understand the allure of the lifestyle. Basically...it's just fucking easier to be lazy and when you're twenty-something, easy is the name of the game. Unfortunately it also makes you look like a knob to other people. College kicked my ass into high gear and it made me realize how much more you can get out of life when you discipline yourself. The happiest people I know, including myself, are the ones that never take the easy route. They work hard, they sacrifice, and they don't take anything for granted.

Responsibility...ahhh. Now here is something that is definitely MIA from the youth of America. When people fuck up, they make excuses or they blame other people. It's never, "I'm sorry I was wrong. I won't do it again." Instead it's, "I don't see anything wrong with this behavior" and then they do it again. One of the most obnoxious qualities a person can have is not taking responsibility for his or her actions. It's cowardly and honestly...pretty disrespectful as well. People aren't islands. Their actions affect the people around them and by copping out of responsibility you are basically saying to those people, "I don't give a shit how this affects you or your life." It's a really lame way to be and it's a behavior that should have been chucked after high school.

Now I'm not trying to give off a 'holier-than-thou' vibe here. I mean I've been guilty of some, if not all of these behaviors at one time or another. That's just it though. I realized early on that this shit just doesn't fly in the real world. You will end up suffering in one way or another. Sure you may still end up with a great job, a lot of money, and tons of friends but I can pretty much guarantee that no one will respect you...and that's really sad. I guess if young people cared more about that they wouldn't act like imbeciles.

Well on a positive note, I am optimistic that people can rise to the occasion, get their shit together, and live their lives with full conviction. It may take a long time for some but I really believe that we can all get to that point. I just know that if we all start living better, everyone will be affected in a profoundly wonderful way.
30th-Apr-2007 09:12 am - The month from hell
Well it's been a while since I've posted anything worthwhile on LJ. Too much MySpacing I suppose. I think I decided to come back here because what I have to say is very personal and I don't necessarily want some of those mopesters aka MySpace friends reading it.

Okay so why was April the month from hell? Pretty much because my personal/romantic/dating life has been an absolute train wreck. When I wasn't dealing with all the Tim rejection, I found myself waiting not only by my phone for a guy I met in a bar but also by my e-mail waiting for a response to an email I sent to a guy I met through friends. The latter two both expressed interest in me which I took as a green light to pursue them. And not even pursue really...just express a little interest myself. Now this could be a major coincidence that I'm blowing out of proportion because after the way Tim treated me, I now take any lack of response from a guy as total and complete rejection. They could be busy...they could have not received these calls/texts/e-mails from me. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But I've been dealing with this kind of thing for the past six years or so. I'm not a shy person and I have absolutely no problem putting myself out there when I like a guy. I always thought this was an attractive quality in a woman but I haven't seen any proof of that. The only time it worked out was with Ryan and that pretty much transpired into my only real adult relationship thus far in my life. As stupid and immature as Ryan turned out to be, at least he was attracted to that part of me.

I feel like April was a real setback for me. I lost so much of myself to the point where I almost feel lost now. I think something must seriously be lacking in my life that I feel so awful when these practically meaningless interactions with the opposite sex don't lead to anything. What happened to just having fun with people and not hoping for so much? Why am I so desperate to make a connection and turn it into a relationship? I mean, I'm starting to hate myself more than the guys who may or may not be screwing me over. I'm trying very hard to determine what's happened to me in the last couple years and I'm really starting to realize now that it has a lot to do with not being in school. It's been such a long time since I've felt the kind of high I used to experience from doing well in school. Yes, my college years were some of the most difficult of my life but they were without a doubt the most rewarding. I don't have anything like that in my life anymore. It's almost as though I feel my self-esteem dwindling with each passing year. It's extremely scary. Now while I'm absolutely grateful for the job that I have and the opportunity it's giving me to save money and develop a work ethic, it's not enough. I'm just not myself in this kind of environment and I'd really like to get out of it as soon as possible.

So I guess that's that. While the conclusions I've reached about myself and my life are somewhat nerve-wracking, I'm glad I'm getting closer to realizing what the problems are. I think getting to where I want to be is going to be an extremely trying uphill battle but I'm willing to do it. I need to reclaim that part of me that's been lost for so long.
15th-Mar-2007 08:51 am - Lost...
Okay I really don't have anything that monumental to say here except that I FREAKIN' LOVE LOST!!!! I don't know why but it's improved DRAMATICALLY since the first six episodes. Oh what a hiatus can do. Don't get me wrong, those first episodes were good. But these episodes are bloody fantastic. Getting back to the main island, learning more about old school characters like Hurley, Sayid, and Claire, it's just great. And next week is the VERY long-awaited episode where we find out how Locke ended up in the wheelchair. Seriously...I've been looking forward to this shit for like two years or something ridiculous. I CAN'T WAIT!!! So yeah...that's all I really have to say about that. No theories, insights, or predictions. Just good old fashioned unabashed love for the show.









The end.
7th-Mar-2007 12:36 pm - How I got through February...
Okay so I recently realized that I forgot to post my February list. Why? Oh probably because it sucked and I wanted to move on as quickly as possible. BUT this isn't where I dwell on the negative aspects of the month so let's get right to the list.

-big bands before work
-the Super Bowl (best commercials, FANTASTIC half-time show courtesy of Prince, and I was even happy to see the Colts win)
-getting promoted (sort of)
-getting up early
-Zach Quinto and that one opening scene in Heroes I watched over and over again...thanks DVR :)
-being busy at work (but not too busy)
-Simon Cowell
-my morning cup of coffee
-An American in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Paris
-the return of Lost
-Blake Lewis
-the sistas of American Idol
-the Bee Gees
-"Terrible Lie" by NIN
-a couple of truly awesome Grammy performances
-Hugh Laurie
-"Sandy" from Grease (listening to that song and thinking about ZQ…there's nothing better)
-Fall Out Boy's new album
-MARTY AND THE DEPARTED WINNING OSCARS!!


Yep, it was a pretty lackluster month. But it's over now and things are definitely improving.
26th-Feb-2007 08:22 am - To the one that changed it all...
CONGRATS TO MARTY AND THE DEPARTED!!!!













While those lovely moments watching Marty and Co. pick up well-deserved Oscars will stay with me forever, it's the moments I spent driving in my car after seeing The Departed that truly changed me as a person. Taxi Driver convinced me that I should study film in college and The Departed convinced me that film is my calling in life. Marty is and forever will be my number one inspiration and so today I celebrate him and this wonderful honor he has finally received.
15th-Feb-2007 08:16 am - American Idol....it has begun
Wow I can't believe we're already at the Top 24 stage. It feels like just yesterday I was jumping out of my seat with happiness after Elliott Yamin was chosen for Season Five's Top 24. There's a new batch of fabulous this year and I hope hope hope some of these peeps I have really grown to love make it through these next couple rounds.

So, if I were to pick a Top 12 today it would go something like this. (Yes, I know it's uneven but aren't there always more talented guys than girls? Okay maybe that's just me.)

The boys...







The ladies...





It's difficult to pick an absolute favorite at this point because it's so early...although I was 110% behind Elliott at this point last year. I adore Rudy and B Rogers. I also really like Melinda and Lakisha. And as for people I absolutely do NOT want in the Top 12...Antonella Barba and Sundance Head. Maybe the two most overrated in the competition. But then again Bucky Covington and Kevin Covais made it to the Top 12 last year so anything's possible.

So I guess it goes without saying that I'm super stoked about this season. I know I say this every year but I really think this batch is more talented than last year's. And look at that...only three of the Top 24 are under 20! The average age appears to be about 26 so that is very good. There's no room for immature, inexperienced babies in this competition!! Haha...okay I'm officially done. I've got another 15 weeks to bore everyone with my American Idol related rantings ;)
14th-Feb-2007 09:33 am - Happy Valentine's Day?
Well generally...I hate this holiday. But every year people do special things for me so it's difficult to COMPLETELY hate it. So rather than look at today as another stupid gooey Hallmark holiday, I'd like to look at it as a day to be thankful for all those wonderful peeps in my life. I'd also like to give a special shout out to my main man ZQ...



And another to a group of AI contestants who last night illustrated that there are few things on this earth greater than an attractive guy with pipes (and the ability to beatbox)....



So to my friends, family, and all the hot men of the world...I love you. Thanks for making my little life so lovely.
8th-Feb-2007 08:23 am - Something amusing...
I get a horoscope in my e-mail every day but I never read it. Not until today. And today it actually ends up being quite fitting.


While getting ready for work this morning, my mind began to wander. And when my mind wanders...it wanders. So I concocted an entire existence for myself in which I began dating a guy who looked strangely similar to a certain Heroes actor I've come to know and love. I won't go into too many details but I assure you it was a G rated fantasy. It mostly involved the two us working on our respective projects at Barnes & Noble (he was a writer too, of course) and sharing a few cocktails at Kenadees. I guess I save the racier content for those precious moments before I fall asleep at night ;)


Anyway...I find it too hilarious that my horoscope should say I'm "fearlessly pursuing a lover who is way beyond what I ordinarily chase." I guess if they're referring to my imagination then, yes, I certainly am. Unfortunately in the world in which I actually live a man like this just doesn't exist. There isn't anyone I would fearlessly chase. There isn't anyone I would chase at all and there hasn't been for quite some time. Maybe this will be the year I finally stumble upon that person who changes everything. I hope so. And I hope he looks something like Zachary Quinto.

13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957) February 24th at 12pm
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
19. CHINATOWN (1974) February 28th at 1:45am*
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968) February 10th at 1:45pm
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939) February 7 at 2pm
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953) February 24th at 10am
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930) February 24th at 7am
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) February 16th at 7pm
66. NETWORK (1976) February 8th at 12:30am
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953) February 3rd at 7pm
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
72. BEN-HUR (1959) February 22nd at 7pm
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939) February 27th at 9pm
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935) February 23 at 7am
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964) February 25th at 10am
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951) February 27th at 10:45am
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957) February 24th at 12pm
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
19. CHINATOWN (1974) February 28th at 1:45am*
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968) February 10th at 1:45pm
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939) February 7 at 2pm
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953) February 24th at 10am
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930) February 24th at 7am
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
63. STAGECOACH (1939)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) February 16th at 7pm
66. NETWORK (1976) February 8th at 12:30am
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953) February 3rd at 7pm
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
72. BEN-HUR (1959) February 22nd at 7pm
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939) February 27th at 9pm
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935) February 23 at 7am
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964) February 25th at 10am
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951) February 27th at 10:45am
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)
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